Carw Gwynt and I are currently studying for the 2nd degree in AODA. One of the things to consider is becoming official/legal priests. We can do that, assuming completing the the curriculum requirements and approval -- get a letter from the Grand Archdruid, send in a copy of the certificate, pay the fees, etc.
It's definitely food for thought. Over the years I've certainly fulfilled many of the duties and responsibilities, from the mundane to the sublime. Setting things up, getting supplies, working in the circle and now grove, teaching, advising (usually life stuff, but some spiritual too), etc. It's always an honor and a privilege to be able to do so. And yet....
And yet, I've never really thought of myself as a 'religious person', or cleric if you will. Cyfnos Gwynt offers blessings freely, whether in person or at the end of a blog post or email post, and it just seems so natural coming from her. The closest I come is signing something "take care" or "be well" -- although I am more often offering to add my prayers and energy to speeding someone's recovery, if they wish it, these days. Still.
But I feel that people like my former Episcopal ministers and Cyfnos Gwynt live a more spiritual life -- the kind of life I picture for a priest. My life, through choice (promises to keep), is largely in and of the world at this time. This may or may not change after this coming summer -- Carw Gwynt seems to think we might still be able to remain as baron and baroness of the local SCA group, even if we stop going to Pennsic. We need more local activities anyway, but I'd like to combine them with things I want to do in my regular life, as much as possible (like workshops on things that can be useful in everyday life, not just in the SCA). Our Grandarchdruid works as a writer, true, but his books pertain to either druidry or to the state of the world and our place in it -- also druidical. And the other Archdruid (of the West) I know, Oakmouse, does research for a church (hope I got that right).
Then on LJ this week, Rising_Moon related how she finally told her mother that she's in seminary to become a priestess, in the British Wiccan Tradition. She works full-time at a regular job, but is comfortable with being able to do both, and this has helped my perspective.
It's funny, but I guess despite my love of nature and the deep spiritual connections I feel to it, I haven't really thought of myself as being extraordinary enough to be a cleric. It doesn't make sense, given I've done most everything that a priest might do (well, no weddings of course). A priestess in all but name.
In some ways it's a little like practicing martial arts but not actually being a warrior. Cfynos Gwynt is that, no doubt. And past lives or no, I've not had to prove myself in that respect in this life -- and hope to never have to. Although this week I've been randomly visualizing using a sling, so I guess I better make one this spring.... Anyway, there is a difference between theory and practice, and between practice and the actual event. And apparently, for me anyway, there is a difference between being something and giving that something a name.
I very rarely name things; if you know a thing's nature, the name pales in comparison. Names are useful for referring to a thing, usually when communicating with another person. And maybe that's where the rub is for me.... it's one thing for me to know that I do priestly things, and another for other people to refer to me as a priestess. In the days of the old coven, we had a high priest and a high priestess and the rest of us were elders. I also had the title Monitor, and also helped with setup, education, counseling, etc. (not the only one, but I did a lot of it, esp. education). Then I went solo, and being solo it didn't really seem right to refer to myself as a priestess.
So, I guess it's time to make that decision, whether or not it's all right to be called a priestess. I had the same issues with being made a Laurel (SCA peerage recognition for Arts & Sciences). In fact I made a conscious decision for several years to avoid recognition, because I had other duties (my first time as baroness, and then helping to keep the group together after stepping down), and I didn't think I could do justice to additional duties.
And here I am again, a two-times peer in the SCA (2nd was for service), and baroness again. And learning more about the spiritual and ritual aspects of being a druid -- hard for me to think about them in words, when I've simply let everything be blended together most of my life. Hard to separate things out, read the words others have written, then put it all together again... the same and yet different. It's a good thing, but having read so little compared to others, and knowing that on top of that I have to re-learn things I haven't needed in years, and on top of that, the new life we're working on putting together for the future....
I guess I wonder sometimes if I'm thinking too highly of myself, to think I can actually do everything that needs doing. How much strength can I ask for from those around me? Don't the deities have plenty to do already?
Of course, they've given their answer, and more than once. Sacrifices in what things I do or don't do will have to be made. Among those, oddly, will be not reading all the books I am supposed to read -- or at least not this year. I have to read at least parts of some of them, enough to understand the direction of the author's wisdom, to know whether or not I already know what he or she is talking about. Others will be reference books. The 2nd degree curriculum calls for a lot of reading (especially a lot if you have a full life and still have a tendency to fall asleep when reading...). I'll get through the majority of them eventually, but I've been informed that my path isn't to follow the more standard path. Sigh.
Other sacrifices will be who I spend time with, and how much time I spend with them. My time in the SCA is becoming more limited, and so I'm working on spreading out the responsibilities I still have, so that I can still do the most needful things. This year, for instance, I'm working on getting people to recognize who the new class scheduler is for Novice Schola.
This year has the potential to be the year of the nearly impossible...
- Druid studies: reading, meditating, practicing, doing research for and creating an Imbolc ritual (among other things)
- I'm still unpacking, sorting through things, and re-packing/giving away/recycling/tossing things. This will probably be happening off and on all year. I may have to do it more than once for some things, as right now I can't always put the surplus stuff together in once place (physically impossible).
- PT will be happening for some months yet.
- Martial skills have to be learned and/or improved.
- Larger garden this year, and more food preservation
- Work for some SCA events this year. Local events, 12th Night, probably War of the Roses, Pennsic, maybe a few others.
- Preparation for Pennsic, and in particular organization of the Runnymede Dinner that Bergental is hosting
- Visit, probably in June, from the Grand Archdruid and the Archdruid of the West
- Try to schedule a few workshops this year. At least one in bookbinding. Would also like one on using a scythe, to start off the practical skills workshops.
- Weaving
- Painting
- Singing
- Hiking
- Everything else... and none of the above necessarily in the order in which it was written.
- Oh wait, there's one more thing.... very fuzzy, don't know if it will happen, but..... there's the possibility that we could find our new place to live this year -- the permanent place. We'd likely still be living at the farm for the next year, but working on fixing up another place at the same time. If this happens, all theoretical free time will be gone.
So, with all the above to do, the doubts on whether or not I'm worthy (but not for me to decide), am I ready to be called a priestess by other people?
Sure, why not. Let's call the rose a rose.
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2 comments:
There was a post from within and no mistake. :)
First, to the Companion course of study; there are only two required books. The rest is recommended, but not absolutely necessary; you can craft your own course of study and reading. I should think this would fit you better in some ways. I did the same in fact.
As to calling yourself a Priestess...it doesn't matter what anyone else might think, it matters what They think; you're a Priestess when They say you are, and no one else's opinion matters. :) You know what I think in this regard I'm sure, so I won't belabor the point with repetition. ;)
You do tend to be more 'in' the world in many ways, serving the Tribes for the most part. I seem to be moving more towards serving Themselves first so in a sense more 'out', although not really. LOL
The tasks that come to you, the things that require your attention and sometimes divert you from other things are all part of the path itself. No need to separate them particularly unless thinking about them is easier if you do. The path takes as long as it takes. Longer for some, shorter for others. Some of us take a sort of sabatical along the way and deal with life before picking things up again. I tend to think these are periods where our inner selves are working on what we have studied thus far, absorbing it deeply.
No matter what has gone before, or how many things you have accomplished, these sorts of paths have their own timetable and tend to ignore anything else. At least in my experience. Don't stress over it; yourself and Carw Gwynt are closely linked, but you are not twins and so it will sometimes happen that you achieve or do things at different paces and in different directions. You're still two delightfully different people. :)
You know I just managed to gather the wandering shards of myself recently; a Warrior Priestess of the Druid Path is considered by many to be rather odd. I thought so myself and it gave me no small amount of trouble since nearly all of my gifts in this lifetime are centered on battle. It came in its own time; the realization and melding of things. Yours will come in its own time as well.
Call on friends and colleagues...assistance is what they are there for, regardless of what modern society has tried to teach folk. We're either a community or we aren't; there really isn't a lot of middle ground there. We'll assist as we can of course.
A Priestess I am, and a natural one according to some, but of different kind; there are many varieties. The multiverse loves wondrous diversity!
You do good lass, you do real good.
Yes, I'll be pulling those two off the shelf and moving them to the livingroom. Thanks for the reinforcement, and the support of creating my own course of study :)
I've been dabbling in The Gododdin (my old xerox copy from school), and other texts. Want to read some of the Arthurian stuff because of the chiv list. Feel like I'm letting Tully down a little there, but I really have to dedicate some of my more immediate time to making stuff and getting the classes for Novice Schola pulled together. (btw, if you want to teach a class, please send it in ASAP to Kathleen). There are definitely things I'd like to contribute to that cause, but I need more time -- it really can't be one of my priorities at the moment.
Although I don't necessarily anticipate being as active with the SCA in the future, my life role will probably always involve spending a lot of time with other folks. I've been a teacher for too long to do otherwise, really. And I've been wanting a school space for years....
Another role is preserver/supplier. Mostly plants, but I've been growing some plants for other people's use for years, and to preserve the existence of a few plants that have been harder to get of late. Wish I'd gotten cinnamon a few years ago - pretty much impossible now. When we move to our future place, I'll be able to expand on the number and quantity of things. And be sort of an experimental station too, trying out different plants to see what will grow here -- goes well with the school, actually.
I think the major part of what bothers me in the SCA is that we have to travel so much as part of our activity, and that we constantly have to deal with so many unaware people (re: environment, energy, etc.). But, if we can manage to keep going for a while yet (depends on the home situation), it may even be possible that we go to more than this next Pennsic -- maybe travel lighter so we can fit another person or two in, for instance. Actually, if we could fit in one person this year, I'd be happier... I'd personally rather not waste fuel, but community-building is important too, and not just in Ashfield.
I'm trying to build some connections there, not just for if/when L and I are less/differently active in the
SCA, but to create a more secure infrastructure for the group so they don't need us so much.
There is a way to get everything done, but working out how to do it is the hard part. Am I expecting too much of myself? I don't want to let anyone down, but maybe I'm worrying too much?
I know I need to focus more (been getting told that for the past year, sigh) -- seems like every time I get a little better at that though, I get another message to step it up. Good thing the recovery's going so well. 2008 is going to be a killer.
Thanks for the thoughts, my friend. You can be sure I'll be calling on you (and others, yes) for advice and support. I suspect I'm going to lack the ability to do directly everything I'm supposed to be touching on this year, so perhaps I'm going to have to re-shape some things so that they become either shared projects or projects for other people to do.
Actually, it's kind of my hope that by sharing some of the healing knowledge I have, I can help with Etain's work, get her further along on at least part of her journey. That's a serious interest for her, and then it would be less teaching work for me in the future. We need more healers, and doing a lot more than I'm doing.
Well, I guess that essentially one of my jobs this year boils down to planting 'seeds'.
As for becoming a Priestess, I expect to seek approval this year; just a matter of when, really. No doubt as long as I can keep on track, I'll receive notice on that too :D
Thanks again. It's good to get a little reassurance now and again.
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