Cer(r)idwen

There isn't a lot known about the Welsh goddess Ceridwen, the bits of knowledge being scattered here and there. There is some thought that originally she was a corn goddess (found that tidbit over at About.com). She is often thought of as the Crone. Some take this to mean ugly, but older women, as I know from experience, can still be quite lovely ;) But regardless of outer appearance, the important part is that she is a mature person with years of experience and knowledge. She is supposed to have the gift of prophecy (but apparently only of other people's futures, not her own), and is the keeper of a cauldron of wisdom and inspiration.

The About.com article on her as the keeper of the cauldron says "Cerridwen is often granted the status of Crone, which in turn equates her with the darker aspect of the Triple Goddess.

As a goddess of the Underworld, Cerridwen is often symbolized by a white sow, which represents both her fecundity and fertility and her strength as a mother. She is both the Mother and the Crone; many modern Pagans honor Cerridwen for her close association to the full moon."

This puts her in the position of two out of three aspects of the Goddess. Interesting... One thing I don't like about people using the word "dark" is that some folks tends to think this means "bad" or "evil". Of course, some people think knowledge is bad -- anything they don't approve of, at any rate! Knowledge is knowledge; how one uses it is where the opinion of good or bad belongs.

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From research on the name, in relation to use for naming of humans outside of myths, "Ceridwen was the goddess of poetic inspiration and the mother of Taliesin, the legendary bard. Her name may derive from ceiridd, a form of cerdd "song, poetry" and gwen "white" ".

From Wikipedia entry on Ceridwen, "From the Welsh cerydd, "chiding love", and gwen, "white, blessed". The theonym appears to be derived from Romano-British *Caritavena, Proto-Celtic *Karjitā-wenā a feminine compound meaning "chastisement-love" or "chiding love" "

I could sort of understand the second meaning if it might be referring to her being chastised for trying to give her son Mofran/Affagdu wisdom, rather than he helping with attaining it himself or her stirring the cauldron herself (true wisdom being only gained through one's own efforts, not through someone else's). But the first meaning makes more sense to me, because she was supposed to be a great sorceress/witch, and even when she was angry at gwion for inadvertently taking the gift of wisdom, she couldn't destroy what was not only beautiful, but full of wisdom as well. The tale of Taliesin only says that it was because he was so beautiful, but if she valued wisdom, knowledge, and creativity, I can't see her destroying that knowledge. Eating Gwion as the grain wasn't destruction really, because the gift was held within her until it was time for it to come forth once again.

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The number of children Ceridwen had is also a question. Many stories name two, but one site mentioned one daughter, Creirwy, and two sons, Morfran (with no positive attributes) and Mofran (ugly but a great warrior). Then, if you check out Ceridwen's husband, Tegid Foel at Wikipedia, there are mentions of other children. Specifically, "Apart from Creirwy and Morfran the Welsh genealogies also name other children of Tegid. The Vitae Sanctorum Britanniae et Genealogiae gives the following lineage: "Afan Buellt son of Cedig son of Ceredig son of Cunedda Wledig by Degfed ["Tenth"] daughter of Tegid Foel"; Rawlins MS B gives another genealogy naming another daughter, Dwywai". Possibly Ceridwen and Tegid had only two children at the time of the incident with the cauldron and young Gwion.

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Next, there is Ceridwen's cauldron. One site calls it Amen, but they have a number of typos at their site, so I expect they meant Annun/Annwn/Annwfn. Also, this wouldn't be the name of the cauldron, but of the place the cauldron came from (the otherworld). More than one cauldron is mentioned in stories/poems about the otherworld.

What's interesting to me is that Ceridwen's cauldron has to do with poetry, song, knowledge, wisdom. Bran's cauldron can bring people back to life. But when I was first getting involved in the Wiccan tradition years ago, I have this odd recollection that the two had been combined... now, Ceridwen being a powerful and knowledgeable woman, could certainly have been a healer as well as a poet. Ooo, found a reference to the cauldron being both for magic/inspiration and re-birth at the above-mentioned About.com article on C and her cauldron...

I have to wonder at including resurrection... of course Taliesin was re-born, so I suppose that might be where the idea came from -- although that's really reincarnation.

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If Morfran had received the three drops instead of Taliesin, he would have been accepted in polite society, probably have gotten married, and no doubt dispensed valuable knowledge to all who came to his court. I don't know if he would have traveled, because we don't hear anything about his character, nor is he involved in anyway with the work of creating the three drops. Instead, Gwion, who did the stirring for a year, acquires them, these precious drops that were created out of the work and knowledge of Ceridwen, in a special cauldron, heated by a fire fed by a blind servant. Then there is the chase (test/challenges of the knowledge?), and then being caught and re-born as a new person. Taliesin then is sent out into the world, advises much, travels more, and records important historical events.

So then, if one has Cerridwen as a patron, the tasks one has might include learning many kinds of knowledge, but also the promoting of learning to others. And there are all the facets/types of learning... magic, healing, divination, poetry, the inspiration that leads to creativity of all sorts.

As to why I'm writing about Ceridwen in particular, something interesting happened on my birthday, which I've been meaning to write about, and will, soon. But at some point after my birthday, Cyfnos Gwynt made a comment somewhere that she thought Ceridwen and I would be getting more involved somehow this year, and it struck me that this was probably a good naming for what happened.

Readings, Divination

The poem I posted last week (post previous to this one) came out of a series of experiences while looking for some stuff for Novice Schola (which I never found, but it all worked out). I was getting frustrated because I knew I'd seen what I was looking for but couldn't find it. These days that tends to mean that I should be doing something else, or finding a different way to achieve my goal.

Going down to the sugarhouse I passed Old Faithful, one of the largest sugar maples on the farm. Being polite, I gave it greetings, and also some energy as it was feeling a little cranky with the weather. There was a very small branch on the driveway, with a single 'Y' branching at the end of it. I left it there at the time because after all, there are a lot of branches on the ground on the farm.

Leaving the sugarhouse, I was quite aggravated finally, this being my last place to look for things, but hearing the river I decided it was a good time to just stop and relax and meditate. It was peaceful at first -- easy enough as I adore this little river. But as I expanded my awareness outward, some truths were spoken to me, which I thought about and accepted, more deeply than perhaps I had before. Truths about the state of our world, though not everyone would agree, of course. After a time, I proceeded back up past Old Faithful, again giving greetings to this wonderful old tree, and this time when I came to the small branch, I felt that I should indeed pick it up. And it is from the feelings and thoughts that I received as I held it, that the poem was written.

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Did a "what's up" divination yesterday, sort of a heads-up for February. Then, upon further thought while moving stuff from the sugarhouse to the barn (isn't walking meditation great?), considering what happened last week and the divination/talk with Duskwind before that, I thought I'd try something different.

Usually, I think about particular projects or plans that L and I considering and ask questions that relate to them, including things like "would next month be a good time to consider x?" And I do the "what's up" divinations as well, but usually only for the next month or so.

So, today I did some more work moving things, lighter stuff than yesterday because of various complaints :D At one point the grove on the hill called to me, and I answered that I really couldn't walk up there, between the cold and the hard crust. Maybe with Wind Deer's help, but not on my own. But I promised I would do the divinations today, and include the grove astrally.

In fact I included my own astral grove, the grove on the hill, the spirit of the spring up in South Pasture, the land around us, Andraste, Brigid, Cernunnos, Taliesin, the spirits of the four elements/directions, the great bear.... seemed like quite the crowd, in fact. I also lit my Brigid candle that I'd gotten at BTW in November, as I thought that would help with my focus in the divinations.

Since I was going to do several readings, I used the I Ching coins. I don't have an Ogham deck yet, and this is a quick enough method that I figured I'd have enough stamina for it. I did a "What's Up?" divination for each month, from March - January (Feb. was already done). I haven't done this many at one time before, so it was a little tiring. A few times I paused to re-center.

It was an interesting exercise. I'll continue to do other divinations through the year of course, but it gave a sort of overview which will be helpful.

Preparation, study, meditation, learning new skills, periods of quiet and periods of connecting with some folks. June through August look kind of interesting, with a higher point of activity in September. October is another inward month in some ways (inward doesn't mean quiet). November looks to be busy.

December also looks to be busy, in part adapting to a great change in circumstances (11 Pervading. Change line Six Above: "The walls fall down. The prosperous city will fall. But do not call out the legions. This has fate and higher authority behind it. Fighting it will only bring shame and confusion. Your destiny is in disarray. You will need to concentrate anew.") Change isn't always a bad thing, if you know what direction to go in -- the relating figure for this one is 26: Great Accumulating.

Some repeating themes are letting go of the past, letting go of the old. Seeking new ways, true ways. Being small, subtle, adaptive, determined but not close-minded. Should be interesting.

What the river and the lichened branch told me

Great are the hurts,
Many the wanton wasters.
Unchecked, utter ruin.
From whence comes salvation?

A great storm comes,
Vast in breadth, deeply reaching.
Land and sea feel the change.
The mother defends her own.

By any other name...

Carw Gwynt and I are currently studying for the 2nd degree in AODA. One of the things to consider is becoming official/legal priests. We can do that, assuming completing the the curriculum requirements and approval -- get a letter from the Grand Archdruid, send in a copy of the certificate, pay the fees, etc.

It's definitely food for thought. Over the years I've certainly fulfilled many of the duties and responsibilities, from the mundane to the sublime. Setting things up, getting supplies, working in the circle and now grove, teaching, advising (usually life stuff, but some spiritual too), etc. It's always an honor and a privilege to be able to do so. And yet....

And yet, I've never really thought of myself as a 'religious person', or cleric if you will. Cyfnos Gwynt offers blessings freely, whether in person or at the end of a blog post or email post, and it just seems so natural coming from her. The closest I come is signing something "take care" or "be well" -- although I am more often offering to add my prayers and energy to speeding someone's recovery, if they wish it, these days. Still.

But I feel that people like my former Episcopal ministers and Cyfnos Gwynt live a more spiritual life -- the kind of life I picture for a priest. My life, through choice (promises to keep), is largely in and of the world at this time. This may or may not change after this coming summer -- Carw Gwynt seems to think we might still be able to remain as baron and baroness of the local SCA group, even if we stop going to Pennsic. We need more local activities anyway, but I'd like to combine them with things I want to do in my regular life, as much as possible (like workshops on things that can be useful in everyday life, not just in the SCA). Our Grandarchdruid works as a writer, true, but his books pertain to either druidry or to the state of the world and our place in it -- also druidical. And the other Archdruid (of the West) I know, Oakmouse, does research for a church (hope I got that right).

Then on LJ this week, Rising_Moon related how she finally told her mother that she's in seminary to become a priestess, in the British Wiccan Tradition. She works full-time at a regular job, but is comfortable with being able to do both, and this has helped my perspective.

It's funny, but I guess despite my love of nature and the deep spiritual connections I feel to it, I haven't really thought of myself as being extraordinary enough to be a cleric. It doesn't make sense, given I've done most everything that a priest might do (well, no weddings of course). A priestess in all but name.

In some ways it's a little like practicing martial arts but not actually being a warrior. Cfynos Gwynt is that, no doubt. And past lives or no, I've not had to prove myself in that respect in this life -- and hope to never have to. Although this week I've been randomly visualizing using a sling, so I guess I better make one this spring.... Anyway, there is a difference between theory and practice, and between practice and the actual event. And apparently, for me anyway, there is a difference between being something and giving that something a name.

I very rarely name things; if you know a thing's nature, the name pales in comparison. Names are useful for referring to a thing, usually when communicating with another person. And maybe that's where the rub is for me.... it's one thing for me to know that I do priestly things, and another for other people to refer to me as a priestess. In the days of the old coven, we had a high priest and a high priestess and the rest of us were elders. I also had the title Monitor, and also helped with setup, education, counseling, etc. (not the only one, but I did a lot of it, esp. education). Then I went solo, and being solo it didn't really seem right to refer to myself as a priestess.

So, I guess it's time to make that decision, whether or not it's all right to be called a priestess. I had the same issues with being made a Laurel (SCA peerage recognition for Arts & Sciences). In fact I made a conscious decision for several years to avoid recognition, because I had other duties (my first time as baroness, and then helping to keep the group together after stepping down), and I didn't think I could do justice to additional duties.

And here I am again, a two-times peer in the SCA (2nd was for service), and baroness again. And learning more about the spiritual and ritual aspects of being a druid -- hard for me to think about them in words, when I've simply let everything be blended together most of my life. Hard to separate things out, read the words others have written, then put it all together again... the same and yet different. It's a good thing, but having read so little compared to others, and knowing that on top of that I have to re-learn things I haven't needed in years, and on top of that, the new life we're working on putting together for the future....

I guess I wonder sometimes if I'm thinking too highly of myself, to think I can actually do everything that needs doing. How much strength can I ask for from those around me? Don't the deities have plenty to do already?

Of course, they've given their answer, and more than once. Sacrifices in what things I do or don't do will have to be made. Among those, oddly, will be not reading all the books I am supposed to read -- or at least not this year. I have to read at least parts of some of them, enough to understand the direction of the author's wisdom, to know whether or not I already know what he or she is talking about. Others will be reference books. The 2nd degree curriculum calls for a lot of reading (especially a lot if you have a full life and still have a tendency to fall asleep when reading...). I'll get through the majority of them eventually, but I've been informed that my path isn't to follow the more standard path. Sigh.

Other sacrifices will be who I spend time with, and how much time I spend with them. My time in the SCA is becoming more limited, and so I'm working on spreading out the responsibilities I still have, so that I can still do the most needful things. This year, for instance, I'm working on getting people to recognize who the new class scheduler is for Novice Schola.

This year has the potential to be the year of the nearly impossible...

- Druid studies: reading, meditating, practicing, doing research for and creating an Imbolc ritual (among other things)

- I'm still unpacking, sorting through things, and re-packing/giving away/recycling/tossing things. This will probably be happening off and on all year. I may have to do it more than once for some things, as right now I can't always put the surplus stuff together in once place (physically impossible).

- PT will be happening for some months yet.

- Martial skills have to be learned and/or improved.

- Larger garden this year, and more food preservation

- Work for some SCA events this year. Local events, 12th Night, probably War of the Roses, Pennsic, maybe a few others.

- Preparation for Pennsic, and in particular organization of the Runnymede Dinner that Bergental is hosting

- Visit, probably in June, from the Grand Archdruid and the Archdruid of the West

- Try to schedule a few workshops this year. At least one in bookbinding. Would also like one on using a scythe, to start off the practical skills workshops.

- Weaving
- Painting
- Singing
- Hiking

- Everything else... and none of the above necessarily in the order in which it was written.

- Oh wait, there's one more thing.... very fuzzy, don't know if it will happen, but..... there's the possibility that we could find our new place to live this year -- the permanent place. We'd likely still be living at the farm for the next year, but working on fixing up another place at the same time. If this happens, all theoretical free time will be gone.

So, with all the above to do, the doubts on whether or not I'm worthy (but not for me to decide), am I ready to be called a priestess by other people?

Sure, why not. Let's call the rose a rose.

Moonlight

The sun-filled moon shines down
Through sleeping trees' branches
Their shadows lay gently across the snow.
Peace.

White moonlight shines also
Through the icicles up high
Cold electric light startles with brightness.
Life.

Cold and chill is the night
Moon shines over the fields
A calm spreads across the shadowed hills.
Rest.

Follow-up Ritual to the One Started at the BTW conference in DE

We just completed the ceremony that needed to be done within the 24 hours before 10:24 a.m. EST today. This started in November, at the Between the Worlds: A Magickal Congress, that was held in November in Wilmington, Delaware. At the Grand Ritual people of many faiths came together to perform a ritual that it is hoped will help everyone along a higher spiritual path; to grow both as individuals and to seek ways to help the earth, which is in great need of healing on many levels.

Because of the ice, the ceremony was indoors. If we'd had time to do it before the study group yesterday, we might have been able to do part of it outside, although we still wouldn't have been able to plant anything as the ground is rock hard (well, not without a pick axe...)

Our ceremony was fairly simple. We opened a grove in the livingroom, which as the most space and the most light from the most directions. We then asked for the presence and guidance of Andraste, Brigid and Cernunnos on my part, and Ceridwen, Cernunnos and Herne on L's part. This was my first time lighting my Brigid candle that I'd gotten at the conference. I'm thinking that I may light it briefly over the winter whenever I'm starting a weaving and/or weaving-related session. I want to make sure to save some of it for Candlemas.

Then we took the vials of many waters and seeds (symbolic seeds) from the grand ritual and poured them into a little hole I made in some soil in a little pot. It's potting soil, but it's what I have available in winter. I also added in water from the spring here, to join the our personal local efforts to the group/universal efforts being made. We have two sources of water here in the house, and luckily the spring runs all the way from up the hill to the house, and one of its entrances into the house is in the back attic, just outside the kitchen.

We placed three seeds from the Japanese Maple that grows in Holyoke, into the pot of soil. They are a part of our past, and hopefully a part of the future as well.

This modest part of our journey will stay in the livingroom for now. If the maple seeds sprout, they may get planted here on the farm, although not immediately, as they'll be fragile at first. And, we aren't sure yet how long we'll be at the farm... But in a few years they should be ready to try living outdoors year-round, and we'll be there to nurture them.

We asked for the blessings and guidance of our deities in pursuing our studies and spiritual growth, as well as the crafts that we'll be pursuing in more depth as part of the 2nd degree AODA curriculum, and pray that our work will help, along with other folks, in serving the earth and all who live here.

Then we closed the grove.

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Presences were definitely strong this morning, and it was good to feel their support!

And speaking of studies, I re-discovered some of the weaving books yesterday while tidying up in the SW room, so I'm off to poke through some of them.

Listening and Healing

Well, it has been a rather busy autumn/beginning of winter! I've been posting at my lj for the past few months, and of course moving, unpacking, getting my shoulder operated on, and now am in the recovery phase. Ordered lots of books, which at least Carw Gwynt has been enjoying... I find my reading is still limited in duration. Most of my energy is directed toward healing, and writing up posts on the live journal. Well, that's okay -- that's my personal and educational journal, among other things. I find stuff or think of stuff that I want to share with others, to spread the knowledge. Sometimes I get to learn from others too, which is very cool. Journals are nice because people can take or leave whatever they like, and I'm good with that.

When I'm working on my PT, doing energy work, or just sitting looking out the window, at all times I appreciate where I am living. Snow, sun or rain, day or night, it's a wonderful place to be. In the winter, sleep covers the land at last, and the trees are at rest. You can feel the sleepy thoughts as you sit there, and even more when outdoors walking. It is not just the cold making me sleepy, but the slowed dream state of nature. And yet, there is still the work for spring happening, in small and nearly still ways; to sleep is not to do nothing.

Even as I write here, I am often distracted by the outdoors, by all that surrounds us here. So much to do, so much on my plate, but none of it can be done without the healing energy of rest. And so I pause to rest and listen to hear what lies beyond the walls of this house... it takes hours to put together nearly every post, but I've been pretty happy with most of them. And they're leading me toward another post I'll eventually put together, when I have the energy to do it.

I look forward to tomorrow, when it should be warm enough for me to be outside for a while without putting my healing at risk. I'm inclined to take a walk up the hill, above the double sugarhouse. I was seeking water last week and think I may have found a spot that's close to the surface, but I couldn't get to it then. Yes, still practicing for my spirals, just without much book reading right now. It's much the same with divination for me right now -- I read what I can, and I look out the windows, and listen. There is much to hear.