By any other name...

Carw Gwynt and I are currently studying for the 2nd degree in AODA. One of the things to consider is becoming official/legal priests. We can do that, assuming completing the the curriculum requirements and approval -- get a letter from the Grand Archdruid, send in a copy of the certificate, pay the fees, etc.

It's definitely food for thought. Over the years I've certainly fulfilled many of the duties and responsibilities, from the mundane to the sublime. Setting things up, getting supplies, working in the circle and now grove, teaching, advising (usually life stuff, but some spiritual too), etc. It's always an honor and a privilege to be able to do so. And yet....

And yet, I've never really thought of myself as a 'religious person', or cleric if you will. Cyfnos Gwynt offers blessings freely, whether in person or at the end of a blog post or email post, and it just seems so natural coming from her. The closest I come is signing something "take care" or "be well" -- although I am more often offering to add my prayers and energy to speeding someone's recovery, if they wish it, these days. Still.

But I feel that people like my former Episcopal ministers and Cyfnos Gwynt live a more spiritual life -- the kind of life I picture for a priest. My life, through choice (promises to keep), is largely in and of the world at this time. This may or may not change after this coming summer -- Carw Gwynt seems to think we might still be able to remain as baron and baroness of the local SCA group, even if we stop going to Pennsic. We need more local activities anyway, but I'd like to combine them with things I want to do in my regular life, as much as possible (like workshops on things that can be useful in everyday life, not just in the SCA). Our Grandarchdruid works as a writer, true, but his books pertain to either druidry or to the state of the world and our place in it -- also druidical. And the other Archdruid (of the West) I know, Oakmouse, does research for a church (hope I got that right).

Then on LJ this week, Rising_Moon related how she finally told her mother that she's in seminary to become a priestess, in the British Wiccan Tradition. She works full-time at a regular job, but is comfortable with being able to do both, and this has helped my perspective.

It's funny, but I guess despite my love of nature and the deep spiritual connections I feel to it, I haven't really thought of myself as being extraordinary enough to be a cleric. It doesn't make sense, given I've done most everything that a priest might do (well, no weddings of course). A priestess in all but name.

In some ways it's a little like practicing martial arts but not actually being a warrior. Cfynos Gwynt is that, no doubt. And past lives or no, I've not had to prove myself in that respect in this life -- and hope to never have to. Although this week I've been randomly visualizing using a sling, so I guess I better make one this spring.... Anyway, there is a difference between theory and practice, and between practice and the actual event. And apparently, for me anyway, there is a difference between being something and giving that something a name.

I very rarely name things; if you know a thing's nature, the name pales in comparison. Names are useful for referring to a thing, usually when communicating with another person. And maybe that's where the rub is for me.... it's one thing for me to know that I do priestly things, and another for other people to refer to me as a priestess. In the days of the old coven, we had a high priest and a high priestess and the rest of us were elders. I also had the title Monitor, and also helped with setup, education, counseling, etc. (not the only one, but I did a lot of it, esp. education). Then I went solo, and being solo it didn't really seem right to refer to myself as a priestess.

So, I guess it's time to make that decision, whether or not it's all right to be called a priestess. I had the same issues with being made a Laurel (SCA peerage recognition for Arts & Sciences). In fact I made a conscious decision for several years to avoid recognition, because I had other duties (my first time as baroness, and then helping to keep the group together after stepping down), and I didn't think I could do justice to additional duties.

And here I am again, a two-times peer in the SCA (2nd was for service), and baroness again. And learning more about the spiritual and ritual aspects of being a druid -- hard for me to think about them in words, when I've simply let everything be blended together most of my life. Hard to separate things out, read the words others have written, then put it all together again... the same and yet different. It's a good thing, but having read so little compared to others, and knowing that on top of that I have to re-learn things I haven't needed in years, and on top of that, the new life we're working on putting together for the future....

I guess I wonder sometimes if I'm thinking too highly of myself, to think I can actually do everything that needs doing. How much strength can I ask for from those around me? Don't the deities have plenty to do already?

Of course, they've given their answer, and more than once. Sacrifices in what things I do or don't do will have to be made. Among those, oddly, will be not reading all the books I am supposed to read -- or at least not this year. I have to read at least parts of some of them, enough to understand the direction of the author's wisdom, to know whether or not I already know what he or she is talking about. Others will be reference books. The 2nd degree curriculum calls for a lot of reading (especially a lot if you have a full life and still have a tendency to fall asleep when reading...). I'll get through the majority of them eventually, but I've been informed that my path isn't to follow the more standard path. Sigh.

Other sacrifices will be who I spend time with, and how much time I spend with them. My time in the SCA is becoming more limited, and so I'm working on spreading out the responsibilities I still have, so that I can still do the most needful things. This year, for instance, I'm working on getting people to recognize who the new class scheduler is for Novice Schola.

This year has the potential to be the year of the nearly impossible...

- Druid studies: reading, meditating, practicing, doing research for and creating an Imbolc ritual (among other things)

- I'm still unpacking, sorting through things, and re-packing/giving away/recycling/tossing things. This will probably be happening off and on all year. I may have to do it more than once for some things, as right now I can't always put the surplus stuff together in once place (physically impossible).

- PT will be happening for some months yet.

- Martial skills have to be learned and/or improved.

- Larger garden this year, and more food preservation

- Work for some SCA events this year. Local events, 12th Night, probably War of the Roses, Pennsic, maybe a few others.

- Preparation for Pennsic, and in particular organization of the Runnymede Dinner that Bergental is hosting

- Visit, probably in June, from the Grand Archdruid and the Archdruid of the West

- Try to schedule a few workshops this year. At least one in bookbinding. Would also like one on using a scythe, to start off the practical skills workshops.

- Weaving
- Painting
- Singing
- Hiking

- Everything else... and none of the above necessarily in the order in which it was written.

- Oh wait, there's one more thing.... very fuzzy, don't know if it will happen, but..... there's the possibility that we could find our new place to live this year -- the permanent place. We'd likely still be living at the farm for the next year, but working on fixing up another place at the same time. If this happens, all theoretical free time will be gone.

So, with all the above to do, the doubts on whether or not I'm worthy (but not for me to decide), am I ready to be called a priestess by other people?

Sure, why not. Let's call the rose a rose.